Can you believe it’s been two years since Bobbi’s memorial service? It sure doesn’t seem that long…. I seem to be past the worst of “it” now. Of course, I’ve though that before, so we’ll see. Life goes on. I miss Bobbi every day, and now the thought of her mostly makes me smile. She’ll always be a part of me- perhaps the best part.

I’m looking into making a bequest to the Cherokee Indian Hospital to name the Digital Mammography facility in Bobbi’s name. I think that would be very nice. I’ll let you know how that goes.

I have turned on my new “Hugh Lambert’s ‘Shooting My Mouth Off’ Blog”. There have been many times I wanted to let loose recently, but it never seemed appropriate to do so here. I’ll post more training news there as well as family updates. For now, I suppose whenever I have anything “Bobbi specific” I”ll post it here. I have a couple of poems and songs in the works. We shall see. Thank you for checking in.

I’ll keep you posted (but elsewhere).

I’m just dropping in to give y’all a little update. They say no news is good news and that applies here as far as grief goes. I’ve had no real “outbursts” for a while. I think the last was actually the morning of the 23rd (at 1am, so it was really the night of the 22nd). Even then it was brief. I had hoped the day would come when every remembrance of Bobbi left me with a smile on my face- well, the day has come. I hope it stays.

Me and my "Little Mule" Pepe on Feb.27, 2011.

So, i bught a good used road bike and I’m riding. It’s a 1996 Giant CFR-3 (CFR= carbon frame rails). It’s old carbon technology, but still a great bike (22lbs). The guy I bought it from rides Triathalons. His new bike weighs 17lbs… it also cost $2,700 so I’m happy with a Craigslist handmedown! I named it “Pepe, my little mule”. That was the Ford Bronco in ROMANCING THE STONE (Bobbi’s and my movie).

Last Monday (my first ride) I went 6k (mostly uphill). By Friday 10k was easy. Saturday I rode 20k, and yesterday it was 30k. My tailbone (actually “pelvic blades”- the flat bones on either side of the tailbone) doesn’t hurt as much or I am getting used to it. I don’t have any soreness or fatigue so that’s good! I’m starting to actually thing I can pull a 1,000 mile ride off as long as I train like hell every day. Today I’ll try to squeeze in 20k during my lunch hour. I may not be iron man, but my legs are becoming… (iron).

I’ll keep you posted.

Hello all. I thought I’d just leave a note and let you know what’s happening. Last night I had a wonderful time at the Ayyam-i-ha’ party in Asheville (a big Baha’i festival). It was wonderful to see faces Bobbi and I love so much we’ve known so long. It was a little bittersweet of course, but still quite wonderful. I even came in 2nd in a sari-wrapping contest. That was a contest I was okay with not winning! LOL

I talked with my coach from Lance Armstrong’s trainers company. Mr. Andy is helping this old fart (me) get into shape for his 1,000 mile ride. We don’t have much time, so that means every day it’s warm enough (and even if it’s not) I’ll be on that bike. I’m sorry if I’m not available for a while, but I hope you can understand why. So far my biggest problem is comfort, not effort. That hard little seat hurts my buttocks! Well, my tailbone anyway. If I had more butt it might not be an issue….. Andy say’s get used to it…..

So, my weekend is pretty busy- “seat time” is the order of the day. If you come by you’ll likely miss me. I am sorry, but if you see an old fart struggling on the highway it might not be a tourist! Move over, okay? I’ll keep you posted.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test and don’t ask why,
It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time.
It’s something unpredic table, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life…..
Time Of Your Life -  Billie Joe Armstrong, Greenday

Hello beloved ones! Happy Ayyam-i-Ha! This is a time when we (those of us who are Baha’is) celebrate all of our many blessings with a season of celebrations and giving. May the blessings of a merciful creator be yours! I’m going to Asheville tonight for a big feast at the Baha’i Center. I made beanbread for the event!

We are all well. I’m still riding, but I’m looking for a big padded bike seat! I’ve been riding 3-5 miles every day as well as spending at least a half an hour on the stationary bike at the gym. This weekend the team has a 15 mile ride planned. Oh, joy.

Anyway, I’m finding it easier to stay “philosophical” about everything- grief and loss, my place in the world, etc. It’s not easy, but I can be grateful for the hard stuff, too. It does so make the sweet stuff that much better. Speaking of sweet stuff, I think I’ll call Kimmie and check on her and the kids. That’s all for now.

Peace, out. I’ll keep you posted.

I had to turn around after 2 hours- don't I look tired?

Hello! I hope you are well.

Well, I made it through the 2nd anniversary. It was easy-

Hugh and Casey pause after getting back.....

I kept pretty busy. On the day before (Monday) I went on a very long bike ride- that is it seemed long. It was only 4 miles, but it was up. I mean it seemed like straight up.  for the Oklahoma ride with the hardest training I could think of- up a mountain. Our friend Casey Cooper and I went. I wanted to start training aggresively because we only have three and a half months to get in shape for the 1,000 mile ride. I went out and bought a great used “road bike” (a carbon-fiber Giant CFR3).

Anyway, we tried to make it to the highest peak in the area (Waterrock Knob) which was a 5.5 mile ride, but at 4 miles we hit a half mile stretch of snow on the road and had to turn back. It’s not that I was sad to turn back- I was actually relieved! LOL It took 2 hours to go 4 miles going up (many breaks) but less than ten minutes to ride back down.

Yesterday (Bobbi Day) I went by myself, but I tried to get there from the other direction (Balsam Gap). It was even steeped because Balsam Gap is much lower than Soco Gap. It took 2.5 hours to go four miles. This time I stopped because I was just too darned tired. It sure was pretty thought. There wasn’t any snow at all on this southern side (as I suspected), although who knows- I wasn’t as high yet. I only got to 4500′ elevation. I turned back at the top of a waterfall called Woodfin Cascades. It sure was pretty.

After that Ethan and I went to Cub Scouts. We are building Pinewood Derby cars! While there I got Kira to sit still long enough for a little video. You may be as charmed by her as I am- runny nose and all!RunnyNose

Last night was okay- better than I expected. I didn’t sleep well because I was reading an excellent novel called “The Help”. When I did go  to sleep, I was a little sad, but it passed (or I fell asleep first, I’m not sure which), So, it was our Karma to have these experiences. My karma, anyway. The karma that took Bobbi away brought her to me first, and we had 8,933 mostly wonderful days. That is well worth a little grief, so you see- I am healing.

I’ll keep you posted.

In two days it will be two years since Bobbi died. What a journey…. I am learning to take my blessing where I find them, and if needs be I can go and find them. I have learned, at last, to focus on the blessing of what was in life and what remains in my heart. Yesterday, by coincidence, I found myself standing at the spot where I first met Bobbi in 1984. I went there to buy a “roadbike” to train on. The directions they gave me were to the back of the building, and when I parked and went around front…….  it’s not that I don’t have the words for the experience, I have too many words (but many are good words). The past three years have run the gamut of emotions, as you can well imagine.

Perhaps I was wrong to share my own doubts as to the nature of God in this blog. Some of you may take comfort that I have ended up not actually doubting the existence of God. I have no such doubts. My perception of the nature of that entity would likely cause some distress so I will no longer speak of that here, but the nature of life and love is, I think, safe ground. I never doubted the existence of life outside of this existence. Since energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed then the energy that is life must continue in some other form beyond our perception. If I fear anything it is that when I make that transition will I be able to perceive the forms of those I love thus transformed.

As for the loss I feel, I know that there is always balance- the loss if feel is the yang to the yin of the joy of loving Bobbi. Can’t have one without the other…. Another blessing is that she went first- bad for me but good for her. I could not bear to be the cause of her bearing the burden of a grief such as my own. I not only flatter myself to know that she did love me, but that she undoubtedly would have felt the sorrow even more deply than I (if that is possible). This is even more likey because of her staggering and humbling capacity to love. She is the Da Vinci of love, the Shakespeare of compasion, and the Einstein of caring.

She is gone, and yet I still have these feeling and these memories. But what are memories? What are feelings? Chemical markers in the brain, neural recordings….. Since the absence of the person does not erase these neurons, these chemical signatures, cannot one go one living under the influence of such a love? I think we can. I know I will try. She has laid down her burden, but we can all pick it up. With her in mind I think the burden will seem light. Her burden was her love for all around her, her desire to care for and nurture those she loved (and loves still). That’s no burden- it is my greatest joy. I live in her grace. Thank you, my dearest beloved Bobbi Lynn.

Anyway, these are some of the things on my mind this February 20th. I was going riding, but it started to rain…. I hope you are all well. I am doing very well, and I am learning to focus on the joy.

Peace. I’ll keep you posted.

Hello beloved ones. I am well and hope all of you are also. I’m training daily for my ride to Oklahoma in June. Today the committee awards the contract to but our bikes. Today I’ll get fitted for mine and hope to have it by the end of next week. In the meantime I’m getting a bike to train on tomorrow and hope to ride all weekend. You can check for ride updates here -http://www.cherokeeriders.org/

Monday night at our band’s practice we had the best practice ever. We were really clicking, which is something because I really don’t like almost every song we do. Still, I try to do my best to sing them like I love them. To be fair, some of the songs I have come to like very much, but I always feel a little put upon because I have little or no input into the songs we play. This in spit of repeated discussion on how important to me it is. I think each and every member should get to choose songs (but that’s just me). I guess all the other singers they tried felt the same because each quit inside of a month.

I got to spend Wednesday lunch with my girsl- Kira, Kim and Bobbi’s mom Nonnie (Donna). We all had a great lunch and a wonderful long visit. Kira was her “terrible two” self, but it was still wonderful. I really needed it, especially because I quit the band right before lunch. They called me and announced the new songs we were doing. They we by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Now, “the Pepper” are obviously a very tallented band with a lot to say. That being said I don’t much care for them, and I was pretty upset when I went to Amazon.com to download them. Then I lost it. I don’t mind a little dirt to make a point, but these songs were just raunchy and made no point at all (except that the singer was a raunchy person). So, I quit. I don’t like to quit. I hardly ever do that, but I just had to. At least I tried, and I did try for three months (a new band record).  Brother Dave put a nice spin on it. He says I didn’t quit, he says I “fired the band”. Thank you Dave! LOL. Anybody want to put a band together?

In four days it will be the 2nd anniversary of our loss. I trust we will remember the day with both sadness and joy. What a blessed soul! Let her memory be inspiration to protect the weak, feed the hungry and fight injustice wherever it is found. Her run is over, and our’s will be over soon enough (too soon always), but while we are still in the running we can countinue in the spirit of love and nurturing as she did and try to make our homes, our families and our world better for us having been in them…. as she did. We miss you Bobbi.

I’ll keep you posted.

It’s Woodbadge time! If you’re not a Scouter you might not know what that mean.

Bobbi and her Woodbadge patrol the Eagles, with their patrol guide (who is the new Woodbadge course director).

 If you’re not a Scouter- I’m sorry, we could use you. Anyway, Woodbadge is advanced Scout leader leadership training (sort of an MBA for volunteers). You probably know that Bobbi and I were active Boy Scout volunteers (and that I still am).

You may not know that she and I were “Woodbadgers”. I’ve been on several Woodbadge staffs since I went through the course. Bobbi went through the course in 2007, and even when she was sick she worked on her “ticket” (Sort of homework require to graduate and earn he Woodbadge beads). The troop and I helped her finish a project she started while working on her ticket. She was by then getting very ill. She completed her ticket and earned her beads, but sadly was too busy (and later too ill) to have her “beading ceremony”. She slipped into a coma and I gave her her beads that day. She died the next.

Anyway, I have had the pleasure of being on the staff for many Woodbadge courses. I got the pleasure of seeing Bobbi as she went through her course. Someday I hope to direct my own course. That training is so important. It’s maybe the best thing I do, volunteer wise. I love the Scouting program. Even with all it’s flaws, it does more good than any other thing I have done- firefighting, EMT, Rotary- any of it. The Woodbadge course is not easy, and participants must work very hard to earn their beads. It is the only course where participants and staff both have to pay, and at $200 a person it is not easy to afford (even in the best of times). Because of that many adults must skip this training…. but not this time.In three weeks we will begin the next Woodbadge course- S5-414-11-1.

The staff of Woodbadge Course S5-414-11-1.

This year we awarded the Bobbi Lambert Woodbadge Scolarship to six adults who otherwise would not have been able to attend. That’s six leaders from six other troops and cub packs who might not otherwise be able to attend this training. That makes me very proud. All of the boys who move though those units will get the benefit of having leaders with advanced skills. I used to want to endow a colloege scholarship, but I think this by far does more good. You see, she still inspires me.

I hope this finds you well. I am well, and Kim and the children are also well. They are all such a joy to me. Kim is such a good mother. Ethan is a brave boy and loving older brother. Kira is….. well- she’s two. You who have children, you know what I mean. Still, she has a hold on her Poobah’s heart and she knows it. It’s all I can do to not spoil her rotten.

The big news is I have been selected to ride with four other members of my tribe to Oklahoma in June. The “Remember The Removal” ride spans the 1,000 miles of the northern route of the “Trail of Tears” our people were forced to walk 180 years ago. This is not a ride of sadness- it is a celebration, and I am honored to have been chosen. Not bad for a middle-aged fat man! I’ve started training for the ride. I’m riding 12 miles every other day on a “Life Cycle” at level 14…. One other very cool thing- the tribe will hire Lance Armstrong’s trainer to come in and coach us. Well, he’ll come once, and after that we’ll be supervised by his minions.
http://www.cherokeeriders.org/

Other than that, mostly I’m just working, doing the Boy Scout thing and playing music (a lot of music). I’m fronting a band called A36 (an obscure reference a high strength form of steel). We actually sound pretty good. I’m having a better time that I’d like to admit considering I don’t like most of the songs we do. I hope to have even more fun as we do a few more songs I’m suggesting. What- you mean you are a fan of the Meat Puppets, The Flys and Garbage? Pardon me! LOL, we do some Allman Bros and Doobies too. It’s not all bad.

I always think of Bobbi when I do this. Sometimes I’m singing to her. I know my own taste in music wasn’t always mainstream, but Bobbi and I loved it. For a while the audience of one became an audience of two. Now one is missing, but still listening I hope.

I’ll keep you posted.

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” Aldus Huxley

It’s been such an interesting year…. The Chinese have a curse- “May you live in interesting times”. LOL, well, they are interesting, but I no longer feel cursed (if I ever did).

I think spending the day with Kim and the kids really and truly helped me with my journey. I’m pretty sure about it, because ever since then when I think of Bobbi mostly what I do is smile. I smile more- that’s my clue. So, instead of spending my time thinking “why did she have to go?” I think “how did I get that lucky?”.

So, I muddle through my “intersting” year. I’m really enjoying playing in the band. The band itself is a challenge- they are “intersting”. It’s always interesting learning new group dynamics! You may not know this, but not many musicians are social workers (except for me of course! LOL). Anyway, I love singing and I love playing… I just don’t care much for most of the songs we sing… In fact, I really dislike many of them, but “the guys” like them so I shut up and sing (it’s my new mantra). The good news many of the songs are good, and we do them very well imho. If we ever get a recording I’ll post it/them somewhere. Anyway, I’m thinking Bobbi would find all this very entertaining. I wish she was here to see it, and maybe she can see it from where she is. I’d like to think that.

Peace, out. I’ll keep you posted.

“May you be given life!

 May the rain of the Divine Mercy

and the warmth of the Sun of Truth

make your gardens fruitful, so that many

beautiful flowers of exquisite fragrance and love

may blossom in abundance”