Well, the real good

Bobbi's mom and sister with the kids....

news is that Nonnie (Donna Livengood) is doing well and home safe and surrounded by Sarah and the kids. Here’s the proof! I talked to Nonnie on Friday and she was already on the way home with Sarah. She felt great and was more interested in talking about nephew Ben’s great show at the national men’s doubles tennis tournament in California which is where she was when she got sick. Way to go Ben! I enjoy playing tennis almost as much as I enjoy golf (those of you who know me well can guess the look on my face), but I still like the idea of other enjoying sports (even if I don’t enjoy them myself. Anyone want my golf clubs???).

We are all well. Ethan had strep and Kira may have it now, but I’m all right and none of the “grown ups” seem to have gotten sick. It’s not that I mind getting sick as much as I mind missing training. I’m too old to miss a week off of the bike! I’ll keep working out and taking vitamins and hope I dodge that bullet.

Ethan and I spent the night at his friend Jack’s house. Jack’s house is the home of our (Bobbi’s and mine) friends Casey and Jill Cooper. Today Casey and I have a huge long ride (relatively) today- 2.5 hours at moderate exertion levels. This is called “Endurance Miles” training by our coaches.

Jill Cooper serves Ethan and Oliver breakfast...

I’m not sure what the rest of the team is supposed to do, but that’s what Casey and I were assigned. Oh boy, If we do it that will easily take us 50k in one day. That’s a good example of what to expect on “the ride”. News at 11.    ;-)

There are more updates on “the Hugh blog”. I’ll keep you posted.

Here's a picture of Kira from a recent road trip. See my heart melt?

I talked to Bobbi’s sister tonight. I wondered how her mom was, as last week she was in California watching Ben compete in a tennis tournament with Bobbi’s sister Jill. Well, it seems she (Nonnie) came home with a cough which turned into pneumonia…. She is getting better, praise be. I don’t mind saying that I’m crazy about that lady. She and Bobbi’s dad just sccepted me right into the family from the beginning. Unlike my forst mother in law (Valdemort) I’ve come to think of Nonnie as “another mother”. She’s 83 but still so active one forgets she’s… well, 83. Sarah says she’s better so we can all of us breathe easier I hope.

I’ll keeo you posted.

Here’s a poem cousin Becky offered up at the memorial, and I found it quite comforting (again).

Faith

There’s no news really, except I miss Bobbi terribly….still. I’ll keep you posted.

Sometimes I forget I am. I’m human after all. I forget what I have, in spite of absent loved ones, I am the most blessed person I know.

I got home tonight and decided I would watch Netflix while cleaning my room….. but my computer would not boot. It was just completely dead. So, I dragged out a spare and tried to recover data from the old hard drive. Guess what I found first? It was the video from Bobbi’s Memorial. LOL- well, so much for cleaning up. You may have predicted the result with some accuracy, but I bet you didn’t expect my smiles. So, it was a lucky hard drive failure, and another chance to further my healing process. The laughter would really surprise you, I bet, but that’s life, isn’t it? Without hardship there could be no acts of valor, and the video helped me recall all the times of beauty, love and joy. All of what is best remains, except for one absent physical presence.

I would be remiss if I did not share that I was tremendously comforted by the outpouring of love I saw replayed on the screen. Like Casey said “I am grateful for her grace and tolerance”. I still miss her so, but her work remains, as do those she most loves. Ethan has strep throat so I don’t get to have “my fix”. I love them all so, and I hope by loving them well I can continue to earn the love she gave me. May all of you be bathed in the glow of such a love.

I’ll keep you posted.

The new "header" for my blog... you like?

Several years ago my friend John Martin and I travelled to Nashville to speak with an AISA elder Jim Claymore, a Lakota man who was the great-grandson of Chief No Heart and Dog’s Backbone, who was killed at Little Big Horn. Jim was 88 at the time, and while talking about or problems keeping our organization focused on it’s work helping children he said something I’ll always remember. He said “You know, I’m pretty old and I won’t be here for long, but I’ll be able to do more from the other side.” I think of that often. I’d like to take comfort from that…comfort and a little hope. Do they see us from the other side? Are all of you who we love so much watching us?

Can you see me, my beloved? Are you still proud of me, as I am of you? I’m working so hard to show you how much you mean to me…. I know I’ll never be without your love, but being without your touch is hard sometimes. We all miss you so, baby love. All the best things I have in the world are gifts of your love. Can you see that? I can see that…. Time goes on and it does get better, sweet love, but there is always the ache of missing you there waiting…. Mostly, though, there is JOY! I think of you with smiles and joy! The tears, when they do come, do not come as often now. Still, to live without your touch.

You did promise to be to me an “energy touch”. Is that why the tumor was benign? Did I do everything I could to show you that you are the love of my life? Can you feel me reach to “the other side” for your sweet touch? The joke is on me darlin- all those times I regretted the “Women are from Venus” thing. Now, all I want to hear is your voice. Grandfather, this is a good joke.

LOL- I have to be careful when I listen to the Forgive Our Fathers Suite by Ulali from the movie Smoke Signals…. ULALI – Forgive Our Fathers Suite   For some reason the music always effects me so much. The visual in the movie always staggers me- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB0RgMcB8zc   Maybe the grief release it triggers is a healthy thing…. I’d like to think so.

Maybe I should have listened to The Partridge Family instead! LOL Ill be m okay, sometimes I just let myself feel the loss. The riding is a big help to me now.

I’ll keep you posted.

It doesn’t really relate to Bobbi- she had a great relationship with her dad. We both loved him very much, I think of him as my dad too. Even my father and I became friends long before the end, and I miss two fathers now, but I’ll share this with you all here. If you’re lucky you won’t get it.

How do we forgive our Fathers?by Dick Lourie

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage or making us nervous because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.
Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?
And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning for shutting doors
for speaking through walls or never speaking or never being silent?
Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?
If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

Since the new “Hugh blog” is up and working most of my posts are and will be there.

Last night I went and got Ethan

Cub Pack 905 makes model rockets!

 and we went to cub scouts! It was a blast. First we learned about Newton’s First Law of Motion (look it up or ask my cubs!) and Pascal’s Law (same thing), then we built model rockets to test it all out. The boys had a blast! Even the adults had a little fun! This was all so they could earn their Scientist belt loop. Next week we study the weather and astronomy. We’re all very excited about my niece Hally’s upcoming wedding at the end of May. Road trip!

I still miss Bobbi so very much, but something wonderful occurred to me. There is a popular song that proclaims “I don’t want to live with you, live without your love”. It occurred to me that I do not live without her love. I do have to live without her touch, but nothing could end her love for me…. it’s one of the few things I believe absolutely.

I’ll keep you posted (but not so much here).

Hugh with the seven recipients of the 2011 Bobbi Lynn Wood Badge Scholarship- Bobbi's Eagles.

Greetings! We had a wonderfull weekend at Woodbadge! I feel so good about participating in this event. I often recall my own Wood Badge course, and the course on which I was first a “staffer”. I also remember the course Bobbi went through. She worked so hard to earn her Wood Badge beads! She did, too.

I really love the Scouting programs. I think it is the most important work I do. Woodbadge let’s me help other Scouters improve there leadership skills- potentially helping more children than I could ever do directly. One thing we did this course was to start the Bobbi’s Eagles Wood Badge Scholarship. We helped seven other Scouters attend Wood Badge who would not have otherwise been able to afford to attend. I call them “Bobbi’s Eagles” because she was an Eagle when she went through Wood Badge (each student becomes a member of a small unit- a Wood Badge patrol that adopts one of eight different totem animals).

I realize that many of you may not know what Woodbadge is… there’s even confusion on how to correctly spell it- as one word or two seperate  words. I use both forms…. Anyway, this is from wikipedia-

Wood Badge is a Scouting leadership program and the related award for adult leaders in the programs of Scout associations throughout the world. Wood Badge courses aim to make Scouters better leaders by teaching advanced leadership skills, and by creating a bond and commitment to the Scout movement. Courses generally have a combined classroom and practical outdoors-based phase followed by a Wood Badge ticket, also known as the project phase. By “working the ticket”, participants put their newly gained experience into practice to attain ticket goals aiding the Scouting movement. The first Wood Badge training was organized by Francis “Skipper” Gidney and lectured at by Robert Baden-Powell and others at Gilwell Park (United Kingdom) in September 1919. Wood Badge training has since spread across the world with international variations.

On completion of the course, participants are awarded the Wood Badge beads to recognize significant achievement in leadership and direct service to young people. The pair of small wooden beads, one on each end of a leather thong (string), is worn around the neck as part of the Scout uniform. The beads are presented together with a taupe neckerchief bearing a tartan patch of the Maclaren clan, honoring William De Bois Maclaren, who donated the funding to purchase Gilwell Park in 1919. The neckerchief with the braided leather woggle (neckerchief slide) denotes the membership of the 1st Gilwell Scout Group or Gilwell Troop 1. Recipients of the Wood Badge are known as Wood Badgers or Gilwellians.

Greetings from Camp Daniel Boone near beautiful Bethel, NC. The camp is located at the foot of the famous (and aptly named ) Cold Mountain. We arrived here Thursday afternoon and got ready for the “participants”. Those began arriving at 7am on Friday. It was cold!!!!! It was snowwing! We had a great first day, the first of six here at camp. Actually, the staff has already spent five weekends getting ready for this course.

The "Troop Guides" for the Woodbadge Course. Think Staff Sargents for each patrol of six....

The course is going very well. I have a great patrol- the Eagle Patrol (the same patrol Bobbi was in). They are six very creative and dedicated Scouting volunteers, and I like working with them very much. I’m also working with the other seven “Troop Guides”. They are also a great group to be part of.

The Woodbadge course involves a lot of training, both indoors and out. All of the focus is an teaching adults both leadership  and communication skills, and how to foster and teach those skills in their own Scouting units. We have a number of ways to do this, but classroom instruction and role-playing, and outdoor training. One great thing is all of the adults from my Scout troop are here (Matt and Mark) as well as our great and good friend Casey.

My friend Chris Fay teaches our students how to value and leverage diversity.....

I’d better hurry. My “little lambs” need to go shoot the model rockets they just build out of empty soda bottles! It should be quite a sight to see! I hope there’s no launch pad malfunctions!

I’ll keep you posted.

is to carry on. If you can rejoice at the same time, so much the better, right?

I had a strange little jolt last night. Some may know that I resigned as Scoutmaster of our local troop when Bobbi died. I stayed active in the troop, I just gave up the week-to-week running of things. Last month I took back over as Scoutmaster once again. Yesterday was the first time I sent out emails to all the parents and people on the mailing list. I guess Bobbi was still on the mailing list…. I know she was, because I got a failure to reach recipient error. I know exactly what it means.

Anyway, that made it kind of a sad night. It might not have been so bad, except Ethan has not done all of his homework so he’s grounded. Because of that I couldn’t take him to cub scouts last night. Kim also asked me not to come over and “distract” him until he caught up. I told Ethan the we were both grounded, he and I, until he caught up. I miss my kids (all three of them).

Anyway, that’s what happened this week. The technical magic that lets people connect to my hughlambert.com blog is broken, so even though I’ve been doing frequent updates you can’t see them from “outside”. Sorry about that. I can’t fix it myself but must wait for others to do so, and I apologize. Tomorrow I go to Camp Daniel Boone (the local Scout Camp) to help teach a new Woodbadge course. It’s a big deal for me, and I’ll be there all weekend (sorry Uncle Roy- rain check?). The only bad thing is I can’t ride my new bike there (gravel roads and no free time). I’m going to take my mountain bike and see if I can commute from camp to camp on it!

My new Specialized aluminum farmed bike. Hey- am I getting chubby?????

I did get my new bike the tribe got us for the ride to Oklahoma. It’s very nice. It’s not as light as my old carbon-fiber bike, but it’s much more modern (better features). This reminds me- last night while ironing my uniforms I watched a movie called OPA. It was very sweet. It’s about an archaeologist on an island in Greece. Anyway, in this movie the “Greek Chorus” is actually a mob of old Greek ladies who are a hoot. In one scene they sing the chorus to the musical Oklahoma- in Greek! It’s a riot! I think it should be done that way on Broadway! LOL

I’m starting to really realize the wisdom of the elders. They say that once the spirit moves on into the next world we are not to speak of them again as it will call them back to this world. The old ones would mourn for three days, and then not speak of the departed again. As you know, I am not that strong.

Still, I am beginning to really know the wisdom of it, and not just understand it in my heart. I’ve needed more than three days to get to this point. You see, I am only human. This may be the hardest task yet. Not to speak that precious name… but may I still recall the face, the touch? Those gentle eyes, those lovey hands, the graceful fingers, that gentle touch? May I speak the name silently to myself? Grandfather, this is a hard road to walk. Still, can I do any less? She gave me so much… can I do any less? Does this mean I must stop willing her to visit me in my dreams? I fear any answer I do not want is the right one……

I suppose I have been in the grips of madness in a sense. Is this what sanity feels like? LOL- how would I know? LOL I guess I’m just having a small period of sadness. I’ll be fine. I’m just feeling a little wistful. I think so often of those tender moments, that sweet embrace, the calming voice…. Gentle friend- you are missed.

I’ll keep you posted.