Hello all. The family, most of it, got together in
Bobbi's mom reads some very moving words to Hally and Brian.
Charlotte for the marriage of Bobbi’s sister Sarah’s oldest daughter Hally. Hally married Brian who I was delighted to learn she had been dating since they all lived in Rochester, NY. She has grown into a lovely woman, and he is just the greatest guy. We are all so happy for them. It was just the most wonderful weekend- all of it.
There was a time when it would have been very hard for me to be with my Livengood family. I am that human. Each of them- when I looked into their eyes I saw Bobbi, and that just reminded me of my loss. I could hardly bear to be around them, but there was comfort too, in being with the people on the planet who most share my sense of loss. Perhaps it was hard to be around me, too, for similar reasons. Still, over time, I began to have an epiphany of sorts. They did and still do remind me of Bobbi, but I came to realize that Bobbi also reminded me of them. What made me love Bobbi, those fine qualities, they are things all of her brothers and sisters and parents (of course) share. All that is and was very best about Bobbi is still the very best about each of them. Gale’s vision and sense of fun, Donna’s nurturing and capacity to care deeply, Matt’s friendliness and indefatigable good humor, Sarah’s bravery and grace, Greg’s unflinching loyalty, Jills happy spirit and sense of fair play, and Chris’s compassion and ability to put love into action- these are traits they all share, as did their sister, as do their children, as does Kim. I hope to share them also. Certainly I do not lack for role models. Maybe when I am older ;-)
Ethan, Kira, Kim and Bobbi's sister Sarah (the mother of the bride).
They are all wonderful people, and I am very proud to call them my family. Such a deal fall in love with one, get nine in the bargain! So I am free to love them for who they are in their own right, and not just because of Bobbi. Thank you, Bobbi, your gifts continue to honor and bless me my darling.
So I no longer dread these reunions, I am eager for them! It may be this was the happiest weekend of my life. What a joy to think more good times are to come!
Kira and Kim and Etahn and I... This smile is not forced, it was maybe the happiest weekend I can remember.
I can now rejoice in the belief that what we love best about a person never dies- it lives on, if nowhere else than in our own heart. Bobbi not only made our own lives better with her love, but she was also blessed by all who loved and still love her. I remember my mom fussing at me when I would complain about someone and say “we dislike in others what we see in ourselves”. I think on this often, and I now think this- we like in others what we see (or would like to see) in ourselves. I think it’s how we choose our friends, and perhaps how love finds us. In my favorite song, To Raise The Morning Star the writer Bruce Cockburn says “dovetailing strong points with the things we lack“, and I am reminded of the Irish proverb that says “It is in the shelter of each other that the people live“.
Grief is like PTSD- I’ve had to learn to remember Bobbi without reliving the horror of her illness and loss. Some things are very hard to let go of, and so my walk with Bobbi in this world is at an end. That is to say, she will always be in my heart but I feel as if I can at last move on. There will be sad times, for sure, but they too will pass. My walk continues- for how long who can say? It was my Karma to love this woman, and to become (I hope) a better person for it. My life will be better because of Bobbi, and hopefully the lives I touch will be better too. The same night awaits us all, but my night is not here yet. The old ones say “this time was good, next time will be better” and I believe that now, again. I’ve been idle far too long. It’s time for me to move on.
Godspeed, Bobbi Lynn. I love you.
TO RAISE THE MORNING STAR by Bruce Cockburn
Rising like lightspill from this sleeping town
Like the light in a lover’s eyes
Rising from the hearts of the sleepers all around
All those dreamers trying to light the sky
Burning — all night long
Burning — at the gates of dawn
Singing — near and far
Singing — to raise the morning star
Rising like lightning in the pregnant air
It’s electric — I can feel its might
I can feel it crackling in my nails and hair –
Makes me feel like i’m dancing on feet of light
Burning — all night long
Burning — at the gates of dawn
Singing — near and far
Singing — to raise the morning star
Singing for the yellow and the brown and the black
For the red and the white people, too
Dovetailing strong points with the things we lack
Singing for the people like me and you
Burning — all night long
Burning — at the gates of dawn
Singing — near and far
Singing — to raise the morning star
