Gandalf to Pippin-  ”All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.’

Well, it’s the weekend. It rained like crazy this morning till well after noon. God knows we need it. Still, it did sort of set the tone for the day.

Bobbi's Woodbadge patrol- the Eagle Patrol....

I’m home this weekend and I’m trying to clean my house. I guess I’m the “Housekeeping Rainman”- I’m okay with math but there’s some stuff I just don’t get. Anyway, I thought about putting in a webcam so you could watch me try to clean. I imagine it would be like watching a drunk man try to cross the street- you know it’s not going to go well, but you just can’t look away. Maybe it was poor toilet training at a formative age. LOL I crack myself up.

Actually it’s not going that badly I suppose. I’m not the neatest brother or the smartest (but I am the best looking). Modest, too.  I crack myself up. Actually, it’s going okay. At lunch I decided to take a break, so after I ate (a nice big salad) I got out an old favorite songbook I’d been missing (one of the benefits of cleaning- you find stuff you missed) and started relearning forgotten songs. Then, on a wild hair, I decided to learn a song I’d never played. I told Kim this story and she guessed what was coming. How she knew it was The Beatles I’ll never know…. perhaps The Long And Winding Road wasn’t the best choice. I didn’t even get through the third stanza, let alone the third verse. After a while I settled down, then while cleaning I found a letter from the grief councilor at Hospice. Bless those people. I continued cleaning and was well rewarded be finding the words of an old friend- Bobbi’s.

There is sort of an MBA program for scoutmasters that I am on the training team fort. Bobbi took the course in 2005, and I found her notebook. On the first page is a line from The Lord of the Rings- “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” Bobbi was fond of saying that.

Here's Woodbadge course SR701 participants- see if you can spot a familiar face near the center....

What a blessing to find on this day. There were other blessings still to come.

I had been going through papers and throwing a lot of them away. So, I looked through this one. Bobbi had made a lot of notes. Woodbadge teaches adults how to make a positive impression on young people (not just boys) and other adult leaders. In the process there’s a questionnaire. I’m some of the answers. Under Most Enjoy Doing it says “spending time with family and Hugh”. Under Person Who Made The Most Positive Impact In My Life it was “Hugh and Dad”. Wow- I came in before Dad. Under Why Is This Person A Significant Impact she said “shared closeness, mutual respect, he’s a good role model, he “does the right thing”, has integrity and a zest for life. Wow. Thanks, honey. There’s a whole lot more, and it was just what I needed to “hear”. I used to joke about how Bobbi raised a daughter AND a husband. Here’s the secret- I’m not joking. Thanks, honey, you’re the person who had the biggest impact in my life too.

Anyway, that’s what I’m doing. I hope it’s okay to share all this with you all. Thanks for checking in. I’ll keep you posted. By the way, I wasn’t a big Beatles fan at all, but John and Paul made a pretty good writing team from time to time. This is mostly creditted to Paul, and it was the first Beatles song I actually liked (though in time there came to be others).

The Long and Winding Road-

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I’ve seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to your door

The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here
Let me know the way

Many times I’ve been alone
And many times I’ve cried
Anyway you’ll never know
The many ways I’ve tried

But still they lead me back
To the long and winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago
Don’t leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door

But still they lead me back
To the long and winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago
Don’t keep me waiting here
Lead me to your door

Thanks for checking in. I don’t really have much  to talk about, except how little I have to talk about. It occurred to me lately that I must be getting pretty much on with my grief. I don’t have the grief outbursts that I had for so long, and when I am visited by grief  it almost always accompanied by great joy- joy at the memory of Bobbi and our life and her many gifts which I still enjoy. I guess you could just say I smile much more than I cry these days, and for that I am truly grateful.

Bobbi’s mom is out at her brother’s new ranch near Boise, ID and she’s having a wonderful time. She even went to a real rodeo for the first time. I spent Wednesday evening with “my kids”. We had baked chicken and a big salad and played till late, but we had to cancel the planned weekend trip to Dollywood. That gives me a rare weekend at home! Call before you come in case I get a wild hair and strap my bike to the new truck and go off for a trail ride somewhere….

That’s about all for now. Thanks for checking on me. I’ll keep you posted.

I promised you some photos.

Bobbi holding Kira as Kim sorts clothes. 12-17-2008

Here’s the picture I found of Bobbi!It was taken Dec. 17, 2008. Kim and she were sorting clothes or something. Ah, my girls….

Here’s Ethan being awarded his Cub Scout Bobcat rank badge. I’m sure proud of him!

Ethan earns his Bobcat rank.....

That’s about all for now….. except I’m grateful for every day, and every moment spent with loved ones.

I’ll keep you posted.

Whew! The weekend went by quick! I started with a new chiropractor yesterday. Dr. Snider (in Asheville) is very highly thought of. We’ll see. I think it’s a lot easier for me to get to the chiropractor since I’m already in Asheville many weekends (and therefore Monday mornings).

My new ride.... do I look too much like a yuppie???? LOL

I got to spend a full weekend driving the new truck. I like it much better now that the mud tires have been replaced with “real” tires. It’s not bad. It’s a breeze to park, but I do miss the big Dodge….. Tomorrow I take it in to see why the engine seems larger than I think it ought to…. I did hope for better fuel economy (I think I’m getting an actual 20mpg in the mountains) with the 6-speed transmission, but it’s still better thank the 14mpd my beloved quad-cab gets. I may get the 24mpg I hoped for on “flat land”. Now I can contemplate some road trips…… out to Idaho maybe to see Matt and Alayne’s new ranch! Maybe even to Orgeon to see my sister. OK is the farthest west I’ve driven “cross-country”.

Yesterday we had Cub Scouts and gave out rank advancement awards. It was a blast. Kim and Kira were there with Ethan. I’ll ipload a photo when I find the camera. One odd thing happened- I hadn’t used the camera in a while, and I took the memory card out but forgot to put it back in. So, the camera was using it’s internal memory (which is quite small). I had to go through old photos to see what I could delete and I found some pictrues of Bobbi and Kira I didn’t remember (but now I do). It was a nice suprise. I sure miss that little gal, I know we all do.

I go a call from my doctor’s offices- good news… My “occult blood test (sort of a pre colon-cancer screening) was negative. Whew. So, now back to work! Thanks for checking in. I’ll keep you posted.

It’s still pretty warm here in the mountains. Yesterday I visited one of my Boy Scouts who was in the hospital for minor surgery, which fortunately went well. It was a pretty hot day, and we were glad we decided to to go to Dollywood. Next weekend look much better.

Tomorrow it’s back to work! I’ll keep you posted.

Wow, we’re having a bit of a heatwave. We had all planned a trip to Dollywood, but the heat index is supposed to be 101 today….. That’s awefully hard on little people (and big people too!). So, we’re all disappointed but we’re delaying the trip till next weekend (when it’s supposed to be in the mid 80s).

So, once again I am not home. I was already in Barnardsville to pick up Cori for our trip, so I just stayed here. We went to BeleCher in Asheville last night…. I guess if I got drunk I’d like it better, but I don’t and I haven’t liked it for a long time. It was hot and crowded. There were few bands and I didn’t enjoy them, though there were a couple of buskers that were pretty good. I guess I’ll spend the weekend helping Cori with her house. I was looking forward to a road trip in the new truck….  I need to go home and work on MY house, but I hate to leave. Luckily, she hates for me to leave too.  ;-)

Work is okay- we’re slowly getting a handle on the new building. I feel great. I was having some back trouble from the hotdog thing, but I see my new chiropractor on Monday. That’s how I spell relief! I’ll keep you posted.

The Hot Dog Fundraiser....

Hi Y’all!

Well, it does get better with time. I think my dream about Bobbi as Kim (see earlier posts) really marked a breakthrough of sorts….. I realize that Bobbi will always be with me, and it’s how I love the people left in my life that will best honor her. Of course I want her back, but from a certain point of view she never left. So, my beloved Bobbi, I hope you are comfortable inside my heart. Because of you, it is a bigger (and I hope warmer) place.

I bought a new truck. Well, new for me- a 2007 Toyota Tacoma crew cab (4 door). I’m hoping the 6-speed manual transmission will help me save money on gas. I’m going to miss my bigger Dodge quad-cab. It’s been a perfect vehicle- it never needed anything but tires and brakes and oil changes. Anyway, I have a big truck if you need one. I’ll make you a deal….

Here’s the picture of the hot dog fundraiser we had last weekend. We actually lost money, but it was a good experience for our club. Work is crazy busy. We’re still settling into the new data center, and trying to keep all our existing infrastructure working. We’ve had weather-related power problems and some other snafus to deal with. It goes with the job. Luckily I love my job, so the hard stuff is easier because of that.

This weekend the family and I are going to Dollywood. My new lady friend is going with us. I expect we’re all going to have a blast. I’m going to need a bigger truck! LOL

That’s all for now. Thanks for checking in. I’ll keep you posted.

Hey there everyone!

It’s busy here in Cherokee. I have a few pictures to post and I will soon. I spent the weekend doing a Rotary fundraiser then went to Asheville for the Southern Highlands Craft Guild annual summer craft fair. It was great! Greg and Susan met Cori and I and we went through the fair all together. We each ran into mutual friends. Afterwards everyone came to Cori’s house in Barnardville and we had lunch. Then (and during) we sent the afternoon talking.

I’ll keep you posted.

Hey- who gave me a mailbox????

Here’s a quick post for Sunday morning. Sorry to rush, but I wanted to go check on Dave and Donna who have been in New Mexico for ten days. I’ve been watering their plants  and feeding their cats….except I haven’t seen the cats for several days. I hope they are all okay! 

First off- I forgive me. It is, I think, a pretty normal reaction.

Two Birthdays in one!

 I mean equating to finding a picture of Bobbi as being snake-bit. I was just caught off guard, and reacted badly. I am sorry Bobbi, for blaming you. Even after all this time, we all feel your loss very deeply. What I forget, and need to focus on is that we were blessed by you and with you for so long. Only a fool <raises his hand> would say that any reminder of you could be a bad thing.

Well, I’m sorry I haven’t made time for updates in over a week. Mostly I’ve just been very very busy….but on another level, maybe it’s a good thing, but writing here does not give me the feeling of release it once did. Don’t get me wrong- I love the sound of my own voice and I have a lot to say, but not here. This is Bobbi’s place (blog). I’d rather redo the blog and let everyone else talk about Bobbi, and then go shoot my mouth off elsewhere. Well, we can talk about it. This subject has come up before, but it’s been a while. Also, I had a sort of event of the unexplainable kind (and now I’ll explain it). Some months ago I was lamenting that Bobbi had very seldom appeared to me in my dreams, and then not in a very long time. Oddly, that night my father appeared to me in a dream and told me that Bobbi felt that since I was dating someone she would only confuse me emotionally if she did come “visit” me. You know how you always think of the come-back too late? Well, I thanked my dad and asked him to thank Bobbi for me and then when he was gone it hit me- “Hey dad, where the hell have YOU been????”  LOL Anyway, on Bobbi’s birthday I decided to try an old mind trick I used to do- dream control. Ever choose your dreams or change them as they happen? Well, I used to choose my dreams (cheap pay per view!), so I decided that when I dreamed that night Bobbi would come visit me. As I slept I did dream, but it was Kim who came to visit me in my dream. When I woke up I meditated on this for some time, and then it hit me- Bobbi did visit me in the same way she has never really left me, in the form of her love. She sent Kim to me to remind me that she lives on in us- those of us who love her and whom she loves. When I saw Kimmi next I gave her an especially long hug, and if she reads this she’ll know why. Bobbi always told me Kim was the most precious gift she could give me.

Anyway, thanks so much for checking in. I am fine. Work is crazy right now, as is life, and very very busy. I’m still building my “server farm” (the facility that houses email servers, database servers, file servers, etc). A server room is sort of the brains of the beast IT wise. It’s been very hard AND we have an open house this coming Friday! Oh My…. no pressure though, we’re only expecting the governor of North Carolina to visit. No pressure at all.

The garden is still full of weeds, but not as bad as it was and in less of the beds. The lawn is mowed and I’ve done the weedeatting. Uncle Roy stopped by to keep me company as I tried to repair the damage cause by the neglect of the garden these last few hectic months. I plowed under (tilled actually) thw two lettuce beds and will replant. I’ve started another “Bobbi Garden” at the end of the driveway- more pretty flowers for our lady, and more room for her frogs!

Today we had a big party for Ethan and Kira! Wow- eight and two years old. They grow so fast. I have some more photos somewhere, I’ll upload them tomorrow. It’s been a long day so I’ll fill you in more tomorrow.

I’ll keep you posted.