Here it is- the middle of the week. Yes, I kind of miss having a party, but dang, that was a lot of work. We’ll have one later on, okay? Maybe on Sept 9th……

The gardens are shaping up slowly. Bobbi’s garden is full of pretty flowers, but I must confess- there are some things in there that look like weeks to me. I remember the last time I pulled the weeks they were in fact flowers, so I’m letting more stuff grown this year. The frog seems okay with it…..

Sadly, Kim and the kids will probably not come by tonight. They don’t like to stay up that late (9-ish). I’ll go by there tomorrow afternoon when I get back from “counselling”. A friend is trying to counsel me that golf is fun. I am in denial- it sucks, but I confess I don’t like it because I think I’m bad at it and I don’t like doing bad on purpose! Okay, well, he’s a good guy and I already own golfclubs, so it would be practical to enjoy golf since so many of my friends and family play. Golf can be fun? I don’t believe it. Why don’t I have friends with airplanes who want to convince me that flying is fun? This I already believe……

I’ll keep you posted.

We had a nice quiet weekend. I brought the scout troop home Saturday Morning. Then I spent the afternoon at home. On Sunday I spent most of the day weeding the gardens (vege and flower). Later Uncle Roy stopped by. He lost his wife a year before we lost Bobbi, so he and I  have a lot to talk about (not just the garden). Kira had a bad night and didn’t sleep well, so Kimmie didn’t bring the kids over, so I “went to the mountain”.

We had a nice time at Kim’s house. Ethan was wading in the creek when I go there, so Kim and Kira and I moved the new playhouse to the back yard and Kira went sliding. She is so beautiful. Then Ethan and I (and cousin Oliver) went to see THE KARATE KID. We had a great fun time. The movie is a lot of fun (for a sequel).

Yeah, it wasn’t quite as bad as I felt it was going to be. The feelings sneak up on you, ya know? Now it’s a new week. Tonight we have Cub Scouts. I’ll keep you posted.

Yes, thanks, I did have a great birthday. It was pretty low key- I went to work, my friend Lloyd took me to lunch, then I packed up and went to camp to be with my scout troop.

The troop and I at Jukebox Junction- our favorite place to eat....

I has a great time. There was a huge thunderstorm that night, but it was sunny when we got up. All the boys had a great time and learned a lot of “scoutcraft”. I got back around noon and mowed the lawn. I even weeded Bobbi’s rock garden a bit till it got a little too hot. Now I’m trying to tidy up a bit inside. I’m still not happy with the new cabinet organizer for my pots and pans. I bought a lid/pan organizer that I hope with make it better. I’ll try that when I’ve cleaned a little more. Yes, my cousin Hugh’s birthday was two days before mine, and Hugh Jr.’s was the day after I think. When we were all together the family saved a lot of money on birthday cake! One cake for three guys! LOL. I miss him too, Tammy….

Tomorrow is Bobbi’s birthday. I’m just planning to pretty much stay home. Maybe Kim will come by as she often does on Sundays. That would be wonderful. I’ll probably play some music. I have a few more flowers to put in Bobbi’s garden, and some more weeding to do (in ALL of the gardens!). Feel free to stop by, if you like. I plan to spend the day smiling- you can help! If you can’t come by, please join me around noon and say a silent prayer of thanks for knowing that amazing woman… I will. We love you, Bobbi…

I’ll keep you posted.

Anniversaries are tough. They warned me about that, those grieving councillors.

Our family two years ago..... at Gale's (Bobbi's dad) memorial.

 Bobbi’s birthday is June 27th! Please take a moment on Sunday to remember that amazing woman!

This year I don’t have a big birthday party to distract me, so maybe that’s why I seem to be feeling it more. Last night Bobbi’s brother Greg came by and we talked about all those we love who we can no longer see…. What was funny was that we watched YOUNG FRANKENSIEN while I worked on his laptop. I always though that the Terri Garr character Inga was very much like Bobbi, and indeed Bobbi used to say many of her lines. We miss you, Gretchen.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. This is not always a good thing for a man to do, but I think this time it’s working out okay. I’m working my way towards forgiving myself. This is not always easy. However- we learn by doing, right? I mean last summer I decided to forgive an old friend for what we (Bobbi and I) had perceived as a major wrong. I dreamed that Bobbi came to me and said it was time to forgive this person, so I did. That act lead to something wonderful, and I reconnected with another old friend in the process. 

Anyway, as is probably common in this sort of situation (the death of a spouse) I have carried no small burden of guilt. I freely admit that blaming myself, especially at this stage, serves no purpose. Still, I spent the morning weeping (again). I should have loved Bobbi better, showed her more, done more, fought the cancer more aggressively- the normal “blame yourself” junk. However, this morning it occurred to me even if I had done everything and more it would not have been enough. We just got dealt a bad hand and no amount of love (maybe, except for the love of God perhaps) was going to improve the outcome of Inflammatory Breast Cancer. If wishing would make it so. 

That is way too much water to get through security!

So, Bobbi’s birthday is this Sunday. I already got her a present. I will spend most of the weekend with the Scout Troop bringing them home from camp (my own birthday included). I thought for Bobbi maybe I’d stay home and play a lot of music. Sometimes Kim comes over on Sundays and brings the kids- that would be awfully nice. In the mean time I’m still trying to develop some housekeeping skills! Maybe I could take a class? Maybe I need to hire a maid! Maybe I just need a dumpster!

On a happy note- Congrats to my brother Lloyd and newest sister Susan! They were just married in Alaska at the foot of a glacier! They wanted to get married on the glacier, but fog prevented the plane from landing there. Better safe than sorry, right? Congratulations you two! I won’t say “welcome to the family” to Susan, because we’ve thought of her as family for a long time. 

I’ll keep you posted. 

Lloyd and Susan tie the knot!!!

I put the frog in the garden! It sure is cute.

A new frog for Bobbi.....

I’m going to need to read the new Deepak Chopra book on grief I got until the picture of a frog doesn’t make me cry…..

I’ll keep you posted.

Sorry for the delay- I’ve had a full schedule, thank goodness.

A new frog for Bobbi.....

I spent a few days thinking about Bobbi. Almost all the time, actually. It may be because her birthday is coming up.

I think about her all the time. We all still miss her so…. As some of you know, I am dating her best friend. That is a blessing- what other woman could I date and still be able to talk about Bobbi without causing trouble? Heck- we both miss her. I can’t imagine not being able to talk (and cry) about Bobbi with someone.

Anyway, I found a new frog for her (Bobbi) collection! It was at LOWES in the garden section- I just had to get it. I brought it home to put it in the garden I made for Bobbi last year. I think she’d be really pleased, don’t you? I’m going to put it  right next to the daises I planted this spring.

I took the troop to summer camp this weekend.

Troop 905 at summer camp at Camp Daniel Boone....

This year I won’t be staying at camp with them, but I will go out Friday night, spend the night, and bring them home on Saturday. Being at camp with “the lads” sure brought back memories. It was quite comforting.

Tonight I take Ethan to Cub Scouts. We’ve all decided to go to DOLLYWOOD next month. It’s also time to get the family bicycles! I stopped riding ten years ago when my carpal tunnel got bad (and I got so fat!), but now that I’m health (and skinny…skinnier anyway) it’s time to try again. I know that would please Bobbi. Last week I started teaching Ethan to ride a 2-wheeler! Now I’m pleased too!

I bought some new pots and pans. The old one’s were a wedding present from Bobbi’s mom. I still need to arrange them in the cabinet better. I thought the pull-out shelves I installed would work better, but the lids need some sort of rack. I guess I’m going back to LOWES.

I’ll keep you posted…

I have, from time to time, talked about how some people (especially men when they get older) suspect every little symptom is a major disease. The dumb thing is we DO NOT go to the doctor to check on it. This is especially true for the children of people who died from cancer (as my mother did). I think I even related the story of a brother who would not see the doctor about his ulcer. I told him it was not cancer like he feared and he was shocked… as if I had some insight into his mental process. I just laughed. Of course, says I, you think it’s cancer, mom had cancer when we were eight, so when you get to a “certain age” everything is cancer. If you have stomach pain- that’s stomach cancer. Aches and pains are bone cancer. Heck, even bad gas can be colon cancer. So, after a while he agreed to see the doctor and it was (big surprise) an ulcer. Sadly, left untreated an ulcer can become cancer (as in my mom’s case) and acid reflux can become esophageal cancer so you old guys- don’t be stupid. Do as I say, not as I do.

I call it Middle Aged Hypochondria. It goes with the territory. Look at me- in my case it was a good thing, and when I had headaches and a slightly increased ringing in my ears we found a potentially life-threatening brain tumor. So, last week my C-PAP machine blew me up like a beach ball. It’s my own fault- I lost so much weight the thing was set too high. So I woke up with a stomach inflated like a balloon and a pretty bad pain. Now this has happened before, but I forgot that for a while. Anyway, the extreme pressure probably tore something because I had a constant pain, something like bad indigestion. Think of a really big burp hung sideways- that’s what it felt like. So, what did I think? Well (remember the headache and symptoms that led me to diagnose my own brain tumor but for all the wrong reasons) so I think I have this lingering indigestion after a prolonged period of stress….. OMG, I’ve had a heart attack! I remember one uncle who sat in his chair for a week after a heart attack claiming he was fine. I already had a stealth tumor, now I’ve had a stealth heart attack! I tell you, it’s sad how old guys think. Anyway, like it did before, the symptoms went away with time and I’m still here. How dumb do I feel? How high can you count? Do, I grew a brain and went on the Internet and found out how to lower the pressure.

Last night was wonderful. I had “my kids” over for the new traditional Wedneday supper. I made chicken Friccassee and they all loved it. Uncle Greg came by with laptop trouble and we fed him too. It was a glorious evening. I was so happy to have the family around…. We’re all planning a trip to Dollywood in a few weeks.

So, I haven’t updated you all for a few days- now you’re up to date. Work is good. Our new building is wonderful, except the electrical contractor messed up my main room. If only I knew an electrician who could fix it. Wait, I AM AN ELECTRICIAN!!!! So, it’s not a screw up, it’s an opportunity to make it right. I love those. How about you?

Tonight we had Boy Scouts. We take the troop to summer camp this weekend for a week. I’ll be at work but I’ll be at camp Sunday, Wednesday evening, then I’ll go out Friday to haul “the lads” home on Saturday. It’s good to be back. Tonight I watched a PBS documentary called An Independent Lens on the American Indian activist John Trudell. He’s one of my favorite poets and writers. You should watch it if you get a chance. Netflix streams it, if you have Netflix.

This week I started writing an action plan for an adult literacy program here in Cherokee. Since Sequoyah called writing “talking leaves” I’m calling my program New Leaves. I’m pretty jazzed about it. I’m even starting a book club. Literacy is a big focus of Rotary, and if only I new the president of the local Rotary club I could involve them. Wait, I AM THE PRESIDENT of the local Rotary club!!! It’s another opportunity to make it right. I love those. How about you? (Where have I heard that before????)

Thanks for checking in. I’ll keep you posted.

PS- I got a really dumb email about the new Muslim Holiday stamp and how un-American it is, etc etc blah blah blah. Of course, you are entitled to your opinion, but please don’t send me this crap. This crap is Un-American, not the stamp. American is about tollerence and diversity, and it’s by the way an advanced course in both of those subjects. The American way would we “kill’em with kindness”, at least that would be the Christian way (in my own humble opinion). By the way, the stamp is a hoax.

I’ve been dwelling on the wisdom of the Eastern concept of detachment….. Remember the old saw about “If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.” That’s detachment…. I remember most of my successes came when I gained the wisdom to “detach”. After my somewhat ugly divorce in 1981 I was pretty low. I always knew I was a somewhat “unconventional” person (that’s my nice way of saying I’m a hell of a mess! LOL). I kicked around for several years just lost, until when I returned to NC I was humbled enough to pray- “Okay, God, if I’m going to be alone the rest of my life I’m okay with that.” I met Bobbi two weeks later. That’s what Deepak Chopra would call “syncronicity”. After speaking to het for two hours that first time we met I actually went home and told my mother I’d met the girl I was going to marry. That’s the power of detachment.

After my dad died I went nuts. I mean, after 35 years of flying including two over Nazi Europe and ten in the Air Force AND getting him through heart by-pass surgery (eleven bypasses with seven grafts) to loose him on a rain-swept mountain road after all that- I just lost it. I broke up with Bobbi and went kind of crazy. A friend helped my deal with the grief and things got better…… I detached from the “normal” desires- money, success, etc and then Bobbi took my back and things got better. Heck- they were wonderful…. That too is the power of detachment.

Now I’ve been given this great gift, or should I say yet another gift. Less than two months ago I was strapped to a table with an MRI clamped to my head in an operating room hoping that my brain tumor was benign…. All this close on the heals of Gale (Bobbi’s dad) and Bobbi….. wow. Still, I don’t live in Darfur or Somalia. While she was now gone Bobbi was no longer in pain. I needed to detach. That’s how I spent my summer vacation…. well, last weekend anyway. I actually had a wonderful weekend. I spent Saturday at a jam session in Barnardsville (near Mars Hill, NC). Then on Sunday I went on an “art safari” touring artists studios in the Toe River area (near Penland, NC- the folk art capital of the south east).

So, this week when I needed a file that was lost while I was out of work I realized now I had an opportunity to redo the file more correctly than the old one. I also got to contemplate that I am still that “unconventional person” I’ve always been, and what was to become of me. It took me the weekend to detach from those most basic of human desires. I don’t have to wonder when love will find me- dummy, it’s already found you! Are you blind as well as deaf????? LOL <laughing at myself> Rumi said “I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I’ve been knocking from the inside!” I need to detach and release and just “be”.

So, how was your weekend? I’ll keep you posted.

They haven't changed a bit!

Yeah, brace yourselves- I’m cleaning.

Bobbi and Kim- 1990. Bobbi's doing her Stevie Nicks thing, I love that!

 That’s the “slowly” part. It’s not one of my “skills”. Anyway, I’m finding several of Bobbi’s projects, and one of those is Scrap-booking. She was making a new family history in a series of scrapbooks, and I found all the stuff to go inside them! I found a few very wonderful photos I though I’d share. There one of “my girls” in front of our old house in Asheville. I guess it must have been right before we moved in early 1990. There’s also one of my father and I from about the same time frame. I think this photo was taken at my cousin Hugh Jame’s house in Charlevoix, MI. Tammy-

Hugh and Hugh (3 and 2). Photos of us together are sadly rare....

does it look familiar?

The last picture is of some of the rascals in the family- the photo speaks for itself. Susan, if you want a larger version I’ll gladly oblige you! LOL

I thought I’d come inside and work. I went out to work in the garden and got nailed by a hornet- one of those “white faced” monsters. I thought I’d come sit besides my “Epi pen” just in case. Sorry, Cori, no strawberries for us this weekend!

I’ll keep you posted.

Life is returning to something resembling “normal.” Normal- what a concept! Work is great, but busy. I have all the work I let slide plus setting up our new building (I’m NOT complaining!).

Tonight I did something I haven’t done for a long time- I went to a scout meeting. I mean an actual Boy Scout troop meeting, not a cub scout meeting. It was nice to be back (and just in time to plan for summer camp!). Not being active in the boy scouts was a lot like walking around with one shoe off- it just didn’t feel right. Now I’m back (and glad).

I am doing very well. As I said, work is great. I am glad to be getting back into a “regular” routine (like working out three or four times a week). Yesterday I got mortgage applications for the new house. Have I told you about my plan? I’ll save that for the next post.

Thanks y’all. I’ll keep you posted.