Okay, remember that old joke-

How do you keep a “much maligned member of an Eastern European Country” in suspense?
I don’t know, how?
I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Well, I know how long the suspense will last- three weeks. I just got a call from my neurosurgeon’s office. The surgery is scheduled for April 21st, and I have a pre-op session April 16th (interview with the anesthesiologist, etc). Well, I’d kind of hoped to be done with this stuff by then, but that’s okay. It gives me more time to clean my house! I finished the closet remodel (mostly) last night thanks to David and Donna helping me. It’s a walk-in closet, but it seemed a lot bigger before I started putting stuff back in it. Ah well. Anyway, I put in only the clothes I liked and discarded my “fat clothes” and the ugly stuff (dude- that shirt is so 80s!) and there’s still room left in the closet. Lucky I’m single. Well, not “lucky”, but at least the closet has room for my stuff. The wallpaper looks good- Bobbi would be pleased. Maybe she is.

Okay, I’m keeping you posted, right? The 21st is about the time my departnment will be moving into our new building. Rats- I’ve been looking forward to that for two years. Still, as soon as I’m back I can move my stuff. It looks like I might have an okay spring ;-)

That’s it for now. I’ll keep you posted.

This is my brain......

The ninja warrior busts a move.

Yeah, I’m feelin a little like Slim Pickens right now. I hit 205 again, but can’t seem to get below that. It’s the least I’ve weighed sisnce Bobbi and I got married! It feels great to feel so good!

Sonexay takes a picture of Kira as Kim wonders what mischief Ethan is getting into.

Hey! I promised pictures of my kids, so here they are! What a time of bliss for me this trip to the park was!

I guess only another grandparent know what I mean….. These little guys make it all worthwhile. I guess I’ll stay on my new diet. I gotta go get a ricecake.

I’ll keep you posted.

"I don't know what it is, but I want it!"

"I don't know about this dad...."

"I am somebody!"

Good morning y’all. Thanks for all the calls and letters! I appreciate it. No word on the surgery yet, but it’s no big deal….except I’d like to get my bedroom donw before it happens so I can relax. In Nothing In Common Jackie Gleason says “Go home and let me get some rest, or I’ll be grumpy and I won’t enjoy the opperation.” I patched sheetrock and hung wallpaper all weekend….. on a closet, and I’m not done yet. Sheesh.

You know, when I got back to work last week I came in early. I love that- coming in early. I like to be the first one…the stillness, anticipation of a new day. I like to make coffee for everyone so when they come in they are greeted by that wonderful smell (which the taste never quite lives up to). Anyway, after staying up working till midnight I cam in early the next morning to finish up. I made coffee and went to do workstation “housekeeping” on my own computer. I found a forgotten file folder and was looking at one of the files, when Bob came in and asked why I was smiling. Smiling is the key word…. more later.

You know, from kind to time I get asked what kind of “man” I am. You know- leg man, thigh man….well, I can’t go into details because this is a family channel (Hi Maddy!!!). People always guess wrong. I was asked just last week- told really, but that person was also wrong. I’m a smile man. Don’t get me wrong- the other bits are very nice, but most are really just upholstery or one sort or another, right? Yes- there’s some fine upholstery out there, but I’m really a “smile man.” I’m a sucker for a smile. If the eyes are the windows to the soul then I think the smile is the voice of the soul. Can’t you always tell when a smile is real and when it’s not? No matter how much wattage is used, how white the teeth are (or how many for that matter)- there’s just something about the whole face when a person smiles. It takes a hundred musicians to make an orchestra, but if one of them plays flat you know it right away. It’s the same with the face. I’m a sucker for a smile.

Anyway, Bob wondered what I was smiling at, and maybe you are too (by now). I found a photo I forgot about. About six years ago I got a Boy Scout training award called my Wood Badge Beads. Bobbi was there. I thought I’d share the photo with you. My friend Dave and I look goofy (sorry Dave), but Bobbi……  Like I said, I’m a sucker for a smile.

I’ll keep you posted.

I'm a sucker for a pretty smile.

Meet Ygor. I named him after a character in Young Frankenstein.

Say hello to Ygor.

You know, the character who got the “abby-something or other” brain. Anyway, as many of you know, I have this brain tumor. I’ve been calling it “my wart” or my sinus condition, but Ygor make it a little less ominous.

I met with my brain surgeon this morning, and Ygor’s gotta go. While there’s a good chance he is benign, he is rather large, and he’s nearly blocking the Foramen of Monroe. This is the duct that channels all of the cerebral spinal fluid produced in the “ventricles” (hollow space like a sinus cavity) of the brain. It seems the ventricles produce a lot of the stuff, and if this duct were to become blocked (by Ygor), then I’d suffer sever “hydrocephalus” (water on the brain) which untreated could lead to death in a day or two. Okay, they have my attention now. In the next week or two they will perform brain surgery to remove it.

The good news (and there’s a lot of good news) is that there should not be most of the brain trauma associated

Ygor makes himself at home in my head. At least I know where the voices are coming from. LOL

 with brain surgery because Ygor is mostly in the ventricle and not in the brain tissue itself. They’ll cut a 2″ hole in my skull, gently spread the lobes apart and remove the tumor arthoscopically. They’ll do this by taking small slices. The first slice will be biopsied to see if it’s malignant. This will tell them how aggressive they need to be at removing the thing… I mean Ygor. When I say “they” I mean that my long time Scouting friend Dr. Loomis

will be helping my own neurosurgeon. I’m also being guided by my cousin Becky’s husband Dick. Dick sounds a lot more impressive when you include comments like former UNC Chapel Hill medical professor and past head of Mountain Area Health Education Center. He was also medical director for the Cherokee Indian Hospital. I can’t tell you what a comfort it is to have him to consult with.

So I’m having brain surgery, probably in the next two weeks or so. With this surgery there’s some chance of stroke (if there’s a bleed that throws a clot), and maybe short term memory impairment, but the risk is low. There is, however, a strong likelihood that people will be calling me Kojak (I have to have my head shaved). The other good news is the recovery should be relatively quick- 3 to 4 weeks and I can be released to light duty work. I’ll be in the hospital 4 days if all goes well. If there’s any clotting or bleeding I may need to stay a few more days, but once they release me to go home I’ll be fully ambulatory. I won’t be allowed to drive for 6-8 weeks, or work above my head. The doctor also thinks I’ll find

Here you can see how it is nearly blocking the venticular duct. Bad Ygor, no lollipop for you!

watching TV or computer work (and maybe reading) irritating for 2-3 weeks, but after that I should be fine. Maybe it won’t even bother me that much.  Again, the thing is likely benign, and even if it was malignant these things are not usually aggressive. If needs be I can have “Cyber Knife” radiation to kill what’s left.

Anyway, I wanted to let everyone know what’s going on. This thing is a lucky break- a blessing really. If it had gotten any bigger I could have been in big trouble, and it was an accident that they found it. I just wanted to let you all know what was happening.

 I’ll be back at work in no time. How ironic that, nearly exactly two years after Bobbi I too will have surgery to remove a brain tumor. I expect the outcome to be a lot different.

Thank you all and remember- don’t call me Kojak unless you have a lollipop for me. Brother Dave is a real comedian- he sent me a picture of my new role model! LOL, now all I need is a polyester suit….and a whole bunch of lollipops of course.

 I’ll keep you posted.

Who loves ya, baby?

I’ve been amazed how often I’ve thought of Bobbi in the last week. I recall the moment a year ago I had to tell her they found a brain tumor, how scared we both were, the week leading up to her brain surgery and the so-called recover after it was complete….. I had, considering, a pretty good idea of what she was going through, at least as far as someone who hadn’t actually had to go through it personally that is. I mean, we were pretty much inside each other’s skins and head, so when she was afraid I knew it. I know now that I still really had no idea. Aw baby, forgive me.

After training I took a day off and drove down to Kure Beach, NC. It’s a nice smaller beach  town, not a Myrtle Beach wannabee like so many others…. I walked on the beach, stood in the ocean, even went to the NC Aquarium….. still, all I could think of was Bobbi and my own tumor. I guess in a few days I’ll know when my surgery is, but I’m really lucky or mentally disturbed- I’m not sure which. I am, of course, deep down where I don’t let it out, terrified. That’s normal, right? Still, it’s only 1% or so of my mental energy. I’m not afraid of the surgery and I’m not afraid of dying- I’m okay with both, truly. I guess I’m afraid of the unknown factor- what is that? I guess it’s unknown, right? No- I know what it is- I’m afraid of brain damage, of being a burden. That’s maybe 2% of my energy. Anyway, this blog is supposed to be about Bobbi, not me. I’m not sure I’m comfortable now. How does me whining about my problems honor Bobbi? I’m on strange ground here, so to speak. Lord, you’re leading me beside strange waters. Anyway, I’ll head home tomorrow……

I miss Bobbi. I find I’m judging other women by the “Bobbi Standard”. It occurs to me that may be pretty unfair. Bobbi wasn’t perfect, she was just perfect for me. Honestly, I guess that’s because we trained each other to be that way. Can lightning strike twice? What are the odds one that? Food for thought.

I’ll keep you posted.

Hugh with Rotary International President Wilf Wilkerson...

Hello y’all! I hope you are well. I’m at a training seminar in Greensboro, NC.

I heard from the neurosurgeon Wednesday afternoon before I left work. He got the disk with my two latest MRIs that morning (that’s twenty days after they were made). Anyway, he called me and apologize for taking so long to get back to me. Basically, he thinks the tumor is likely benign and feels very strongly that I need brain surgery to remove it. What ever happened for just checking it every six months? Anyway, it looks like I’m getting some time off- two months I guess. We’ll see. I have an appointment next Friday morning. I’d have gone in this morning, but like I said- I’m out  of town at training.

So- what would you do? Let them cut a hole in your head? The doctor says if the thing gets any bigger and blocks the ventricle I could be dead in 24 hours. I guess avoiding death is a fairly good motivation…. a strong motivation anyway. I don’t really have time to take two months off of my life, but I guess it’s the only way to get more life, right? If I risk my retirement funds in the stock market I guess I can gamble on brain surgery. Shoot.

How are you? I’ll keep you posted.

By now the neurosurgeon should have a copy of my MRI. Of course, for this to have happened, CJ Harris hospital would have to have done what they should have done three weeks ago. What are the odds on that? Well, I’m getting on with life in the meantime.

I am pretty much recovered from RSV. Last night Ethan and I went to cub scouts, then grabbed a couple of tacos (his favorite) on the way home. Tonight I’m cleaning the truck instead of spending the night with “my kids.” I wish I could do both. I’m going to Greensboro, NC for ROTARY training tomorrow after work. Then, on Saturday, I’m going to make a run for the beach! I gotta stand in salt water or I’ll go nuts…. well, more nuts than I already am… I’ll spend Sunday there and drive home Monday. Sort of a micro vacation. I’m not even taking any fishing tackle- just shorts and flip-flops. I might even go wild and grab a cheeseburger in paradise (big kosher pickle and mustard’d be nice).

Here's Bobbi and I taking the scout troop rafting in 2002.

So this is it- this is my life. It’s not really life without Bobbi, because I think of her so much. The blessing is I smile when I do, most of the time anyway. There have been a few outbursts of grief, but they do not last long. Mostly, I’m smiling more than I have in a long time. I just want to honor those I love. Thanks for listening.

I’ll keep you posted.

Well, I have news- there’s no new news. Well, that’s not exactly true. Sorry for the low posting this week- I was sick. Yeah, does it seem like I’ve been sick a lot in the last year? It does to me….

So, I don’t know any more about my brain tumor yet because the hospital in Sylva (CJ Harris) never bothered to send the MRI to the neurosurgeon. I have a new medical doctor (the old one got a promotion and moved), but the new one wanted to meet me after I met with the neurosurgeon. She thought two weeks was long enough. Boy, was she mad that CJ Harris Radiology department had not yet sent the CD to my brain doctor (I like her already).  She did show my the radiologist’s report from the MRI, and it honestly scared the hell out of me….. until she (my new doctor is a woman) explained that it basically said the same thing as the last one except more accurately measured the tumor at 1.5 centimeters. I liked it better when it was “estimated to be between 1.0 and 1.2 centimeters. Anyway, the radiology lab assured her they would overnight the CD to the brain guy….but since it was so late on Friday it might not go out till Monday. That means it’s taken them nearly three weeks to NOT deliver it. Sigh…

So, to everyone who I told I’d call you when I knew something- you wondered why I haven’t called? I don’t know anything more yet. I’m glad we think this is not likely serious. My family doctor said I should write the hospital CEO a strongly worded letter. Whoohoo- I love to write those!

Anyway, when I took Ethan home from Cubs on Monday evening I caught the RSV they’d all been passing around. I’d hoped they were over it. Oh well, it’s nice when families share. I got over it quickly. If you don’t know, RSV is a very contagious virus with symptoms like a bad cold. It’s not serious if your healthy, but infants and old people could have serious problems with it. I went back to the kid’s house Wednesday feeling a little under the weather. What the heck, it’s not like I could give it to them, right? We had a blast. We played hie-and-seek, and I won three times. Who knew a big guy could hide so good? Anyway, I told Boo “don’t look for a Poobah-sized hiding place, look for little signs. Pretty much anyplace he thought was too small for me he ignored (Poobah in a clothes hamper????). After that he started beating me. I was so proud.

I missed the last two days of work this week. It was a busy week. We’re moving to a brand new building and I’m swamped. I would have gone to work feeling bad, but then everyone would have caught it (it’s that bad). Today I’m cleaning. I stink at it, so it’s going slow.

That’s it. I’m home. I’ve had a lot of talks with Bobbi this week- still pretty one-sided ;-)  I keep finding reminders, but mostly they just make me smile….mostly. I sure am a lucky man. The hospital that did Bobbi’s brain surgery sent me a surprise bill. Sheesh- if they wait eighteen months to bill me, can I wait eighteen months to pay it? Sheesh. I tell ya what, if you don’t think we need healthcare reform give me a call. I think the MATRIX has us. Get out while you can (eat your fruits and veges and work out!).

I love you. I’ll keep you posted.

Just a short post…. I still have no word on my MRI results. I take that as a good sign, but I’d rather know something. I had a great weekend, and spent much of Sunday cutting and busting  and stacking firewood. Today I weighed in- 205.4 pounds. I weigh what I weighed when Bobbi and I got married! I think I’ll go have pizza! LOL, maybe not. Tonight I take Ethan to cub scouts. They were all sick last week, but they are much improved now. We’re going to have big fun!

I spent Saturday afternoon visiting a friend in hospice care near Asheville. He’s been fighting a brain tumor for two years, but it looks like the fight is over. It’s very hard on his whole family of course. I hope I was of some comfort.

I found all of my backups for Bobbi’s regular web page (including photos)! I’ll be restoring them this week, adding updates, and continuing to look for problems that may have existed even befor the big crash.

That’s all for now. I miss Bobbi, of course, but I’m able to smile at her memory now. I remember without reliving the pain (as much). There really is so much to do, and I promised her I’d do it! I’ll keep you posted.

Here’s a quick post.

Here's what was waiting Tuesday morning when I got home...

I took a picture as I got home Tuesday. I hadn’t used the camera for a year, and when I downloaded the pictures I found several of Bobbi. I just smiled. I reckon that’s progress. They were from about two weeks before she died, and I could see the pain on her face. I am so grateful she is beyond that pain. We miss you honey!

That’s all for now. No news on the latest MRIs yet. Shesh. I’ll keep you posted.